"You are very beautiful."
Okay, so I went to Alabama, where my Dad and Granny are buried, and my Grandpa's grandparents and his dad. And sister Geraldine. I wanted to put flowers on Geraldine's grave. But oh well.
I got stoned, with my sister, it was so nice. All my nervous system pain relaxed. We went to some place called The Treasure Chest, and there was a sign that said Medi Puff. Lol. Cbd Watermelon flavoured cotton candy. It was really relaxing. I feel a lot calmer, but like my mind is on vacay. I can't deal with this stress anymore. I need to ground, if anything. I'm all floaty ... My legs are hurting me and my back, keep having to take Tylenol. I think I am sleeping badly. I haven't heard too many voices lately, I write about the program and things begin to stop. I am being protected.It's wonderful.
I quit cigarettes! They disgust me now! They're so bad for you. I want to be done with them. I am so sorry, I just need encouragement, I'll pat myself on the back. Fuck. My mom is ignoring me, and I need to go pick up the rest of my Chantix and keep to it. I had a slip, I bought two packs of cigarettes, but I'm really disgusted by them now. They burn my mouth, throat, and turn teeth and nails yellow, they smell awful. I'm stronger than this, stronger than being an addict. So I'm on Home Shopping Network, looking at laptops. I'm going to buy another one. Tired of being lonely.
Mkultra kept calling me Retarded so much I started to believe it. I keep having repetitive thoughts. And hearing voices. It's a group on Facebook. I'm trying to do better, and get better, but things were getting messed up. Like always fucking shit up and making matters worse. I just want to temporarily leave my body, and go somewhere else, like on the astral plane.
There was a man in my bed last night, that wasn't really there. We had sex. And he was kissing me. I don't know who he is, where he went, or how that happened. Guess it was part of Mkultra. He let me see him a little bit, usually they don't do that.
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