The entire world is brainwashing.
I can't..like..function with knowing this sometimes.
"There are formats to the way things are done," - female voice
So, we should take care what we let into our minds.
I chose to explore the unknown. I really wish I hadn't looked into conspiracy theories and all of this. Because I ended up paying the consequences, of becoming a person of interest, however, I have always been a SRA, a Satanic Ritual Abuse, victim.
I long for a life with an established man. Maybe older than me.
Really want the right person, though. But not as bad as I want to leave here, lol, jk. I really want out of this fucking apartment, or something to do with my life and my time, my money. This area is kind of rural, so there's lots of walking, ugh, and it's overpopulated.
I want something more out of life than this. I was hoping to meet people with this computer, but I'm in a bad mood, and I'm scared I'm going to meet the wrong person. Like a dangerous person. And I'm vulnerable, schizophrenic, mentally ill, from the SRA. And Mkultra. I guess I am safe by myself, with my family around me.
I see all these beautiful women, but it's probably filters, and photoshop. :( I wish I could be young again, I'd do things so differently. Besides the fact that I'm trans, I am still not happy with being alive. I want to be male, I would learn how to be male, from that life of being male. So I try to look and act feminine, I don't want any crude labels or being called names, or being even more weird than what I already am.
I am determined to lose weight, and I am eating less. By cutting down on my medication, I have become more active, but I don't want to deal with this sun. It is SO hot. I worry about heat stroke, etc.
My medications are excessive, two bipolar pills, one antipsychotic, one mood stabilizer. I don't want to be on that particular antipsychotic or that particular mood stabilizer. I don't like them. Me no likey. Lol. I want something else.
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