Truth: I sabotage relationships before they even start because I am trying to hurt them before they hurt me, or make them dislike me before they can hurt me. I am scared of people for how they treated me in my past lives. I was tortured, and humiliated, a pariah. But I am strong, used to have high self esteem and confidence, and friends, but drug use occurred and schizophrenia struck. Now I have a lot of time on my hands that I'm sober (S. ON O.F A B.ITCH E.VERYTHING'S R.EAL,) sometimes the phone will ring or I'll have texts, but it's not enough. No one visits. Dating has not gone well. There's something lacking.
My ex told me my thinking is killing me. It's driving me into the ground. I am extremely lonely, and suffering in HUD, it's making me a nervous wreck. I'm thinking about moving. But I am good for nothing. Lazy. Don't clean or cook anymore. But there is someone offering a place. This is a secure place to live. But there are so many rules. And the voices, the voices tormenting me with roommates would be awful. They are deep down trauma hounds, and keep playing embarrassing moments and digging for information that is painful for me. I don't ever want to accidentally talk about that stuff. I'm so embarrassed. The voices wanted to make me the laughing stock of the town. I was friends with some of my mind reading spirits. But they keep embarrassing me in front of anything or anyone that talks to me, in my mind. I shouldn't like them because they don't respect boundaries. They shouldn't be reading my mind. I tried prayer, I wrote down prayers to God. And it was like a miracle happened the next day.
I am trying to quit smoking. It's miserable. My nerves in my arms hurt. I tried rubbing some vitamin E oil on them, as per directed by "a spirit" and it worked. The pain went away for days. I'm so confused.These spirits are pretty non judgemental. But it's still embarrassing when the voices (Or Mkultra) go rooting through my mind. It's hours of torment. I don't understand the point of this. It's like being in another world, where in this one my intuition doesn't make sense. I am learning to master my abilities. ds, but drug use occurred and schizophrenia struck. Now I have a lot of time on my hands that I'm sober (S. ON O. OF A B.ITCH E.VERYTHING'S R.EAL, sometimes the phone will ring or I'll have texts, but it's not enough. There's something lacking. My ex told me my thinking is killing me. It's driving me into the ground.
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