I waited from 8:30-9 o'clock, to about 12, then my attorney told me we were waiting for a psychiatrist to get there. And she wasn't there by 12, so we broke for lunch. Mom took me to McDonald's, and bought me lunch, and I found two pennies on the ground. I asked Mom what the two pennies meant. She (later) sent me an article that they were "pennies from Heaven", that my deceased loved ones or angels were trying to get my attention.
Since Halloween, I had been thinking of mom's mom, "MawMaw" and Uncle Joe, and also Grandma. We have just lost Granny this year. She passed away in June, 6 days after my birthday. Instead of being bitter, I am glad she waited to pass til after my birthday. I miss her so much. She would've been the first person I would've called after court.
It seemed kind of suspicious, because the judge was talking to my attorney, the woman doing roll call, and another lady, and he said that I was "incompetent." I have Schizophrenia, I'm not going to sound like you, or anyone. I'm an Individual. Recently, I found out my birth date equals "11" in Numerology, and so does my name. That seems very special! A birthday book told me I was "special." What if you were actually told you were 'special?' Well, I was. I feel I glow, vibrantly.
The psychiatrist talked to me, and she reviewed my medications with me, and I told her what had been started, discontinued, and doses changed. I had told my attorney earlier that my voices told me I was Joker -- .. so I thought I was Joker. My mom thinks some of my alters are dangerous. Well, I do know that I am self destructive. I told the woman about my DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and she listened. From Facebook, I learned there were other women, with a "Joker" MALE alter. I learned I had DID because I have a soldier alter. I then remembered that I had requested help from an institution at 22, and 24, years of age, and they did not offer me any help for my DID. Or even a diagnosis, a test, anything! I want to be "honest" so I can get the help I need. Hear me out, because my doctor has me on like 9 different medications. I believe I am gaining too much weight.
Issued another subpoena, the psychiatrist asked for my mom's phone number, and my number and email. I gave them to her, and she said that she would contact us. I told my attorney that I had really needed to vent, and said that my mom was not "intellectually capable" of understanding me, and my dad, had nearly been a genius. His teacher said so. Granny had told me. His teacher said, "Now I'm not going to tell you your son is a genius, but he has above average intelligence." My mom is more practical, and worldly; she doesn't like reading
Mom and I went to work, and we were told that Walmart is bad right now, during Covid, that people were being carjacked and purses stolen. It pisses me off that women are being victims right now. I hurt my back at work, but I had some Ibuprofen ... and I took that, and vacuumed the floors and dusted.. Oh well. But I know I am something, not nothing. And I'm not crazy because I have pepper sprayed a man. He was on MY property, banging on MY door, using intimidation tactics to try to MAKE ME answer the door. I want this to be KNOWN. I was withdrawing from medication from a Dr who had canceled seeing me, and didn't give me a referral, and so I was running out of pills during this time.
I could have *died* -- and the man was in pain from the pepper spray, for what, five minutes?
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