trigger warning: eating disorder, self harm, religious personality, religious family, Mkultra

[Personalities meeting each other and getting along, making plans for the rest of the month.]

Jamison gets noided out when he sees red. Which lots of things are red. Ketchup. The pot holders. Coke cans..I'm not sure what to do, maybe the host's vision is just poor, and red is stunning.

As a previous self harmer, I am just loving on myself right now because Jamison decided to come out today. Jamison rationed out food to Loka, and is getting to know Loka, our cat. He is very well liked. We have very little money because of Mkultra handlers lying to us and other stuff that's in the past, hopefully I won't be in the negative next month. My mom seems to vampire my energy. Jamison is a demon that is well loved among his friends and seemingly almost famous. He has a boyfriend. This boyfriend is also the husband of one of my female alters, but maybe they just prefer to be gay men.

Jamison is stepping up to the plate of managing what we do have until payday, and cooking responsibilities under Cassius's rule, who seems to be in the driver's seat all the time. El has been quiet lately, that's another dominant alter, or Set. They're nearly all men! There is a female child alter that cries for her mother a lot and says she's hungry a lot, too, and Cassius is trying to figure out what to do. He's offering her crackers, which was accepted. Should I tell my mom about her? Cassius is thinking about digging up some coloring books and trying to get the child alter to color, or at least find some crayons and draw.

We just discovered this, and my mom wants me off my Schizoaffective meds, which seemed to make all the personalities have a party in my mind and body by revolving doors. I'm trying to get a diagnosis on paper, but like, I know. They thought I was well, I don't have a psych appointment til 2 months from now. I really don't need one.Unless it;s to formally get help. John is calm now that Innie Somniac talked to us about him. If he damages the house, we all pay for it. If he disrespects america, we could get in big trouble.But..he's there. Maybe he was even drafted so it's not his fault. He is crushing on the neighbor so I use her as a trauma cushion for him. She bought us some candy that was gone way too soon. Orion also has the crush on the neighbor, Jamison is feeding and playing with the familiar and seeing his boyfriend which is an external spirit, listening to Cassius and getting ready to run the house for the rest of the month. Cassius is nurturing the child alter while helping her text mom. I struggled with anorexia and being too thin. Or never hungry. Now it's caught up with us. Mom still thinks we have a therapist even though we told her 300 times we have a psychiatrist, someone who prescribes pills, not a therapist, which is someone who talks to you, gets to know you, and helps you with talk therapy and she wants me to "get help" when the previous help [all my rx for schizo affective] caused this to emerge, which it was latently there and there isn't any help for this. I have been reporting it and nothing was done. *facepalm* My family literally prays for me to be normal. How offensive is that?! They sicken me, they really do.

*trigger warning* dangerous alter/sex/world war 2/drugs

I have no support system and have a veteran alter from another country.

Curious what people would do if they were in my shoes.

Nazi alter (John is a past life, I am not Pro-Nazi, "peace and love")/drugs - things like amphetamines (stay awake/focus drugs) for soldiers, which were given to Nazis

Hello ... I'm new here. Having a dilemma. Does anyone have a soldier alter? Or anyone they feel comfortable talking about that may fit the description? What do you do with a dangerous alter? I have a highly dangerous alter, but he has a crush on the neighbor and also read about a Jewish heroine that made him feel regret and remorse. Is that the ticket? Reading about Jewish heroines or something?

I love to write, and have been told I'm pretty good at it.

Q: What is the purpose of John? Am I supposed to join the military or am I being punished? I.E. Karma. He has been dangerous before. People also keep bullying me, which is making me even more aggressive. I dreamed I shredded a woman's hair out because she kept reading my journals and stealing my food. To quote a picture I saw earlier: "You can post suicide hotlines all you want but just be nice to people okay."

Meet "John" [under Cassius the Caretaker's watchful eye, John is 20's or 30's and Cassius is older, around late 40's to 50's] Soldier out of love of country, bloodlines and tradition, nothing more. I'm not lesbian, definitely not pro-nazi but I've heard white supremacists are sneaking it into social media to delude children but rather transgender and my neighbor is very sweet. John thinks he is German and she's (of course) American. He picks sticks out of her yard, kills her spiders etc and clears the driveway of debris for her. I've had his memories show up. Don;t want to talk about it.

I'm worried he could be dangerous and trying to keep him in check. Another alter was a hired hitman or mobster. I've already ended up in the hospital over John, they're just so ignorant they don't believe me. They don't really talk to you about anything really. Or give helpful advice. I gave up trying to talk to the about it. You just get slop and a cold room.

I believe my DID is past lives.

John was a Nazi soldier, who loved his wife very much so that he wrote her letters while away. I have a photographic memory and I can see the parchment.His rifle always seems nearby. I'm frightened because I once woke up to John wanting to attack. I'm afraid that "John" could get set off. We (I use the pronoun we) were reading "Rejected Princesses" and John felt sadness and remorse about a hero Jewish woman who dressed as a non-jew to retrieve supplies for her friends and family in their cramped apartment. So he's changed, he even cried, if I remember correctly. He has an addiction to anything like amphetamines, and so do some of my other alters. I did some browsing of topics and realized Cassius is my caretaker alter. DID just surfaced to a very noticable level and if I may say so bad degree, but I've been reporting it for many years, but nothing was done. It's blatant to me now. Should I have John and Cassius meet? John is already on the offensive. Should I introduce John to a female alter? How does this work? Lmao. John believes that he was the very special Nazi burial. He has damaged my house for thousands of dollars in repair, and caused me to go to the ward. But I did not receive help. I was told there wasn't any. I didn't have my valium so my landlord repaired it for free.

I'm waiting for my shrink to call ... This has started up all of a sudden. It could be bloodlines, I have veterans as family members on both sides and I am German on both sides the family. Am I supposed to resolve something? I try turning on say the Catholic channel, and trying to learn. Mary comforts El, who lost his purity and found it in her.

John has explored the town and found hidden free masonry symbols, which relate to El, my illuminati and time traveler alter. They're no big deal to some of my alters. We found hidden graves, and rich expansive properties that aligned in the royal fashion around the graves. Secret sorta stuff that takes a special eye. The lay out.

I have the war syndrome where if I hear certain noises I go berserk. This could affect Orion, too, my space captain alter. He's currently dealing with the fact that he can't always have snacks, sex, and drugs. Which would occupy the boredom of being a captain. Basically, we're dealing with addiction. Orion: Snacks. El: Sex. John and others: amphetamines.

For fun, I was going to buy John a military grade messenger bag, where we can keep our flashlight, and other things he thinks he has. Keep our money in it. For fun also I buy out some of the shop keepers supplies of stuff or odds and ends. They're foreigners, so John feels like he's uniting the world, and helping these foreigners make house and home. I almost bought my Vampyric alters a coffin so. Glad we didn't do that. But this is about John and war syndromes. What should I do? I've read how some of you divided your possessions into each alter's and I see that I've done that. I've been reporting this illness for 6 years or longer and was never taken seriously. I think my state is lacking in intelligence. It's troublesome getting the clinic to get the pharmacy to get the medicine to me. John is losing his mind.

John feels like a German spy in America. We have been roughed up by the police and John gets thoughts of reporting them to Germany, or writing letters to politicians. We do not have enough money to go to court. But the police nearly killed us. Maybe he's actually a German captive. El is a conquistador and time traveling Illuminati member. I named the hitman "Ember." "Ember" works for the Royal family. Sometimes I feel like a Spanish Pirate. These fighting men are all connected I see. How can we make John behave? What do you do with a dangerous alter?

Succubi try to seduce John, or maybe it's Mkultra handlers. Perhaps he needs it. To calm down. I've had Mkultra deal with me since childhood, probably due to "El" and "Ember." I have heard and seen them for about 10 years so it's hard to resist them.

I am biologically female, but I'm trans and all my alters are male?? Has this happened to anyone else?? Just for funsies I wrote my alters. It was really helpful. I made healthy connections and unraveled some of the trauma. :) Here goes, guys. Is anyone like me and the alters aren't human? Aliens, other Earthly races, or even Gods and Goddesses? Heavenly beings?

Cassius is an older gentleman, an advisor type, very responsible, as in the Roman empire's Cassius. He is a Snake God. El is an Illuminati member and time traveler. Hah, I'm poor as dirt. There's Orion the space captain that likes sex, drugs and snacks. Must get oring being a space captain so he's facing his darker nature atm. :) He may be a Neko. (Cat person) Aaand Xanadu is not even human. He's a monster. Sea monster? Then there's Seth, as in the Egyptian God. I'm so drugged up on meds I have got to stop them. All I'm doing is eating and sleeping. My sister who I have a hunch is Athena told me to stop them. I thought I was Narcissus, who likes to hunt things and philosophize. There's a female named Shekinah that's a powerful and loving goddess and a female dragon. There's an old man named Saturn, who is equpped with a scythe. I guess I'm a reincarnated god. There's Anakin, yes like Darth Vader. Anakin is very sickly but getting well. I have an older women's dress that I call My Darth Vader dress. This isn't a joke. Carousel the fallen angel, who goes with a female angel named Seraquiel, which it probably sounds like I need some of that drug. These two double as Joker and Harley Quinn, with me being Joker. And a grim reaper alter? It's...magical...and very romantic with Harley, we'll call her, who passed away. What the heck is going on here. a Nazi alter, "John" which Harley wrote she wanted to turn her friends into Nazis, but I may have really been one which thank goodness I got him to feel remorse by reading about Rejected Princesses's story about a hero Jewish woman. I kept trying to tell them my schizophrenia was actually mkultra and DID. Maybe "El" is the target. Carousel hears God, whom this God voice told Carousel he was his "grown up friend." But I'm afraid it's just mkultra. John likes to patrol the town while thinking about his wife while I use my etra sensory abilities, like spotting royalty's secrets, free masonry symbols, and hidden graves. John is like a ghost and still in love with his wife, and has an amphetamine addiction sorta, just anything illegal or not that takes one from a boring pace to thinking fast or being fast. Just venting and trying to see if anyone is like me. John pays the shop keepers (most are forgeners) lots of money to support them while he is stationed in America, or so he thinks. I have to be careful with John because technically he is a veteran and I don't want to set him off to act violently, as his rifle seems to always be nearby, or so he thinks. There's also Shiva, who is VERY unhappy, about the environment and pollution, the oil spill. And a neglected child alter that complains about the mother being gone and being hungry. It's kinda sad. I hope I'm not all these gods and goddesses but the pills have to go. I think El was a conquistador. There's a merman..an elf man..I'm capable of producing 50+ fictional personalities, as in story telling. There's a fallen angel alter named Jamison, whom was loved very much and got named the demon of wraith. But that is old. Jamison seems to have family and cares for lil sibs. I'm also Roger Rabbit [sounds silly, but my voice sounds like his sometimes], and I know Jessica IRL as a friend of mine. There's another demon with the same speed addiction but they won't tell me his name, they just say "Ashwaganda" as his name which is an herb for calmness. I'm going to buy John an army quality messenger bag so we can have more fun exploring. There's also Alastair, who is a mage and a scientist. There's a clown named What The Fuck, whom Harley takes care of. And another man "Ember" that was a hired hit man that identifies as "the demon assassin of god" These are vampires. Or have connections to vampires. I also think I am the German supervillian HIM. Like from Powerpuff Girls but this one does tricks and stuff. I'm making connections and healing! Just from typing this up. IT gets bullied by the voices and is very depressed, but he loves his parents and Harley. There's a witch alter but he doesn't come out much so ? I know some of this may seem dark but remember, Carousel is "god's grown up friend" and Ember is a demon assasin of god that raised Harley in another life. She was a princess being put to death. Alastair and Set are practicing to be a psuedo priest. I never fit in very well in Hell. Are these past lives? Well they became DID. Some of mine are aliens, like reptilian and a mothman, which they don't think they can talk to mothmen yet. I hate when the aliens take over which was why I agreed to meds. But now Im unhappy. My life is just messed up right now. I'm a MILABS victim. It took me ten years to convince them I was Set, then they said the Mkultra was a horrible mistake and apologized profusely. There's also a male dragon and a male and two female reptilians. One was a Reptilian Queen.The mothman is male. I promise I come in peace. Lmao. Like I said, humans don't think they can talk to the mothman race yet. There's also Kookalu, which I get an "Oh no!" when he wakes up. Kookalu was the god of insanity. They make him a special food. Luna is another female alter, which is the goddess of the moon.

Feel free to chat with me. I'm new here. El was the dominant personality. And I'm trans so I hate my birth name. I think Mkultra trumatized me into remembering past lives.