2020 Merry Christmas! People are sending me money! Yay!

Hello, I am writing this while I am using my slow cooker for the first time, a.k.a. crock pot. It is very small, but I am making bbq pulled pork. I cooked some boxed rice and seasoning mix and added chicken and veggies, and made cookies. I really wanted to please my friend that is coming over tomorrow to eat. I may be cooking a chicken, I just keep fucking everything up, I even choked on my drink. I'm not sure if the rice is cooked all the way, it was kind of crunching. Oh god, she may not even notice, I added Greek Seasoning, and hot sauce, pepper, anything to save it. Lol. 

koko: he a good cook

Yeah I hope I am a good cook, I tried very hard, the cookie mix made 24 cookies, but we made six gigantic cookies! I don't have enough baking pans for all of that. I am just starting out, well, midway. 

My team is harrassing me about an incidence .. I fed the cat some chicken. He loved it. Reminds me of a dream I had about Granny the other day. She cooked spaghetti, I remembered biting into a meatball.. I could taste it.. And my Grandpa gave me $2,500 and my cat was there with an identical female cat. Two black cats. They were given collars and I can't remember anything else. I would just buy cigarettes if I had $2,500, I don't "talk to myself" I hardly make a sound. Not anymore. I don't know why, I'm tired of being quiet, and to myself, I want a friend over, but so much negligence and so much abuse against me, every single family member has put their hands on me, except for a few. And then there were EMTs, and hospital staffing. I am just tired of it, my body hurts, my joints and nerves are inflamed and hurt. 

My schizophrenic voices have been rather quiet, but I still get some slight torment, I don't feel alive, I wonder what their plans are. They've put in a lot of effort with me. Mostly I am used a sex slave, or tormented with multiple religions, or seem to be a apart of the false Christian movement, or something. And then there is Satanism... I just don't know what to believe anymore. Asmodeus is looking at what all I cooked. They are just teasing me because I licked the spoon! I was trying to see if the rice was cooked, my mom used to let me do that, I don't think I have any infectious diseases. No one is going to die because I was trying to make dinner sides and dessert tonight. I don't have Corona virus. Do I even go anywhere? Not really, so how could I? Doesn't it take 14 days in the body to incubate? That -sounds like- some very deadly diseases, like AIDs or Rabies, but this is more like a flu. However other outstanding health issues in the body could lead to death? Michael, me, and Angie all lost someone. And that is just the people that I know. 

By the way -- I am so sorry for my weird habits, I can feel the trauma in my legs and arms, in the joints especially, and that my nervous system is inflamed. Feeling kind of awkward and fragile, delicate, but I am not. My skin doesn't feel like mine, and I want it to feel like mine very badly. Though I know I have been shifted. Always did I feel awkward being so petite.

me: "Yeah asmodeus, it is kind of a strange mixture [of foods]"

A: "No it's fine."

The pulled pork is starting to smell very good, my stomach is growling!!! Next time I will try to cook as if I am cooking in front of an audience, which I didn't realize/remember that I was, which means no tasting from the cooking utensils. Sigh. I am used to things just being solo.