Scarletrayven's Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personalities) : December 2020

Friday, December 18, 2020

2020 Merry Christmas! People are sending me money! Yay!

Hello, I am writing this while I am using my slow cooker for the first time, a.k.a. crock pot. It is very small, but I am making bbq pulled pork. I cooked some boxed rice and seasoning mix and added chicken and veggies, and made cookies. I really wanted to please my friend that is coming over tomorrow to eat. I may be cooking a chicken, I just keep fucking everything up, I even choked on my drink. I'm not sure if the rice is cooked all the way, it was kind of crunching. Oh god, she may not even notice, I added Greek Seasoning, and hot sauce, pepper, anything to save it. Lol.

koko: he a good cook

Yeah I hope I am a good cook, I tried very hard, the cookie mix made 24 cookies, but we made six gigantic cookies! I don't have enough baking pans for all of that. I am just starting out, well, midway.

My team is harrassing me about an incidence .. I fed the cat some chicken. He loved it. Reminds me of a dream I had about Granny the other day. She cooked spaghetti, I remembered biting into a meatball.. I could taste it.. And my Grandpa gave me $2,500 and my cat was there with an identical female cat. Two black cats. They were given collars and I can't remember anything else. I would just buy cigarettes if I had $2,500, I don't "talk to myself" I hardly make a sound. Not anymore. I don't know why, I'm tired of being quiet, and to myself, I want a friend over, but so much negligence and so much abuse against me, every single family member has put their hands on me, except for a few. And then there were EMTs, and hospital staffing. I am just tired of it, my body hurts, my joints and nerves are inflamed and hurt.

My schizophrenic voices have been rather quiet, but I still get some slight torment, I don't feel alive, I wonder what their plans are. They've put in a lot of effort with me. Mostly I am used a sex slave, or tormented with multiple religions, or seem to be a apart of the false Christian movement, or something. And then there is Satanism... I just don't know what to believe anymore. Asmodeus is looking at what all I cooked. They are just teasing me because I licked the spoon! I was trying to see if the rice was cooked, my mom used to let me do that, I don't think I have any infectious diseases. No one is going to die because I was trying to make dinner sides and dessert tonight. I don't have Corona virus. Do I even go anywhere? Not really, so how could I? Doesn't it take 14 days in the body to incubate? That -sounds like- some very deadly diseases, like AIDs or Rabies, but this is more like a flu. However other outstanding health issues in the body could lead to death? Michael, me, and Angie all lost someone. And that is just the people that I know.

By the way -- I am so sorry for my weird habits, I can feel the trauma in my legs and arms, in the joints especially, and that my nervous system is inflamed. Feeling kind of awkward and fragile, delicate, but I am not. My skin doesn't feel like mine, and I want it to feel like mine very badly. Though I know I have been shifted. Always did I feel awkward being so petite.

me: "Yeah asmodeus, it is kind of a strange mixture [of foods]"

A: "No it's fine."

The pulled pork is starting to smell very good, my stomach is growling!!! Next time I will try to cook as if I am cooking in front of an audience, which I didn't realize/remember that I was, which means no tasting from the cooking utensils. Sigh. I am used to things just being solo.

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

God save the King of New Orleans

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Had some bad dreams, and some strange ones, and negative feelings. My psychiatrist appt is tomorrow. I can't live with what I've done. I must be evil. Because things just don't bother me. Most of the time. Then my mind will torture itself, keeping me awake.

I didn't do anything today. Nothing. Nada.

Russell kept calling. Multiple times. Over an expanse of days. I never returned his call. I don't want to be your fucking girlfriend, Russell.

I'm like a Gun, Not Easy To Hold

Monday, December 14, 2020

I don't like being myself right now. I am pretty miserable. But things are getting less bad.

"A Million Little Pieces" .. Someone gave me that book inpatient..

It's pretty good. Guy survives an accident and goes to rehab.

I'm telling myself to write responsibily..

👿

I don't feel like being awake, or here right now. So depressed. It's Christmas time. And my granny died a few months ago, around June. And my Grandpa has a girlfriend. 50 freaking years together. My great aunt is beyond pissed.

My energy feels so traumatized.... SRA...Satanic Ritual Abuse...