Someone said I was Nicodermus and I was in a Mother Mary blanket ^_^ ... I would've wanted my parent to accompany me on a trip. But she is so anti drugs. Very anti drugs. The voices say I am the holy spirit but I swear I am just a person like any other. I guess. Besides the fact I dreamed I was Narcissus, but that's so totally different than being Seth. I guess. because that is more modern. and he was only half god. no thoth said they are similiar? the greeks mirrored the Egyptians. That all was marked fake, the christian religion with the Egyptian Gods, but I would like to talk about this?.... And I guess I'm not Set if he's another person. Duh. But I was much into that energy. Wait -- how do I have memories of Nepthys and I thought my parents were Nubt and Geb? I really dunno, but there's 'official documents' with me signing as Set... Now I am a breath from an empty vessel -- brainwashed to be nothing in Mkultra.. I hope someone saves me, but they never do.... And I have more prescriptions than I could ever take. Sigh. I really want my Valium :/ ❤

 

 My counselor actually had some good feedback today.She said my grandmother was a strong woman and that I should show the love and compassion that my grandmother showed me to another person.

 i don't trust anyone or anything.

In the sun today -- some alters are vampires.

 I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. I feel so codependent, I don't like being alone,  I worry, and  go crazy. I feel nervous, like I can't move, and in my mind's eye, I see parts of my body breaking into pieces, as if it's old energy.

 Siren is a male umm siren. We just call him Siren. He's been wanting to play.And interact with objects in the host's world, only problem, he only has legs,sometimes, a mertail otherwise. sometimes, we can shift, and are learning to shift. 

I really want to write some malexmale smut with siren. 

i want my hair to be so very long. again. it was beautiful. i should've just let mom cut that one part. meh. it would look about the same by now. so traumatized, thinking of all the betrayals, i took scissors to my hair and hacked most of it off. now im trying to grow it, and i think the chantix is making it fall out, or some combo of pills. i need to call the pharmacy. do i have a gatekeeper to the personalities? is he/she in charge most of the time? i do not even know, DID, is different for everyone. we have a devil personality, that has a short haircut, and is male, and kind of devious. 

iiiiii haaaate these pills. my size ten jeans look like skinny jeans.well they were probably made in china or something. america loves loading bad stuff into our food.